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<h1><a href="https://archiveofourown.org/works/24200617">All of you</a> by <a class='authorlink' href='https://archiveofourown.org/users/softwoohyun/pseuds/softwoohyun'>softwoohyun</a></h1>

<table class="full">

<tr><td><b>Category:</b></td><td>Golden Child (Korea Band)</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Genre:</b></td><td>Comfort/Angst, Depression, Established Relationship, Insecurity, Light Angst, M/M, References to Depression</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Language:</b></td><td>English</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Status:</b></td><td>Completed</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Published:</b></td><td>2020-05-15</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Updated:</b></td><td>2020-05-15</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Packaged:</b></td><td>2021-05-02 14:55:18</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Rating:</b></td><td>Teen And Up Audiences</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Warnings:</b></td><td>Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Chapters:</b></td><td>1</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Words:</b></td><td>1,690</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Publisher:</b></td><td>archiveofourown.org</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Story URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/works/24200617</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Author URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/users/softwoohyun/pseuds/softwoohyun</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Summary:</b></td><td><div class="userstuff">
              <p>He saw everything through his love, how his insecurity dragged him down the void, deep into depression. He wants nothing but to suck all the doubts out of him.</p>
            </div></td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Relationships:</b></td><td>Choi Sungyoon | Y/Lee Daeyeol</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Comments:</b></td><td>5</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Kudos:</b></td><td>30</td></tr>

</table>

<a name="section0001"><h2>All of you</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Author's Note:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
      <p>Hi! I've been writing too much fluff and it got me all mushy. Therefore, I have decided to write angst this time around. This fic has trigger warnings to those who have depression and also insecurity. I hope this is okay for you guys :)</p><p>Disclaimer: this is in no way a sure fact about their mental state as this is purely a fan-fiction. The main point I want to point out here is the ridiculous korean standards and how idols are not treated as humans. AGAIN, I stress that this is just pure fan-fiction.</p>
    </blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>Sungyoon’s been out of it lately and he sees it. He sees it all. In Sungyoon’s behaviour, in Sungyoon’s laugh, he notices every bit of change in his love. It hurts him seeing his love having to force upon his face a smile, even when it’s hard for him.</p><p> </p><p>But that’s not what the fans would want to see, he knows it too. Sungyoon tries so hard, everyday to put on a brave face, to plaster a smile on his beautiful face, sometimes a little bit too hard that he flinched at his love’s act. His dragged laughter, the lingering emptiness in his eyes would go unnoticed from the eyes of excited fans.</p><p> </p><p>As soon as they get off the stage, away from the prying eyes of their beloved fans, Sungyoon sighs. It’s not easy to be perfect in the eyes of people but as an idol singer, people have high expectations of him. He has to be at par with the industry’s standards.</p><p> </p><p>Perfect face, perfect personality, perfect talent, perfect everything. It’s crazy but that’s what comes with the path he chose.</p><p> </p><p>“Sungyoon-ah, you did well today,” those were not the words he wanted to hear but he smiles nevertheless. His love saw right through him, the pain he had to go through to force that beautiful smile on his face. And with that, a small part of him dies as the smile on Sungyoon’s face falters.</p><p> </p><p>It’s been busy for them lately, schedules after schedules. They barely had time for themselves, to just rest for a day.Sungyoon just needed some time to himself, to really just let his walls down.</p><p> </p><p>It was about 2 in the morning when they got back to their dorms, all tired and drained. But this was their dream, they’re doing it all for their dream, their own targets.</p><p> </p><p>“You kids did well today,” the leader voiced out as they entered their dorms.</p><p> </p><p>“Shower up and rest. We don’t have anything scheduled until 1pm,” he dismissed them at that note and they each went to their rooms.</p><p> </p><p>His eyes lingered on Sungyoon’s retreating back. It looked so alone, so heavy with all the weight he’s carrying on his shoulders and he wants nothing but to just suck all of the sadness, all the troubles in Sungyoon’s mind.</p><p> </p><p>He decided to do some reading before bed to wind himself down from all the excitement and adrenaline today. Reading also helps him break from the routine he has grown accustomed to and it allows him to destress. It was 15 minutes to 4 in the morning when he heard faint footsteps heading towards the living room where he was reading.</p><p> </p><p>“You’re not asleep yet?” Sungyoon asked, voice clear, hair tousled. He can clearly see his love’s face, free from all the make up they had to put on while on stage. ‘<em>He’s perfect</em>’, he thought to himself as Sungyoon made his way to where the other was and sat down next to him, finally letting go of the breath he’s held for so long.</p><p> </p><p>He closed the book and put it away to give his attention to his love.</p><p> </p><p>“How are you feeling today?” he asked as he circled his arm around his love, allowing Sungyoon to rest his head at the crook of his neck. Sungyoon breathed in, feeling safe as he’s being surrounded by his love’s warmth and scent.</p><p> </p><p>“I’m pretty sure the kids are having it harder than I am,” he sighed feeling content just being held like that.</p><p> </p><p>“Did you lose more weight?” Sungyoon tensed at the question. His love has his hands by his side, hugging him close.</p><p> </p><p>“You know you’re perfect as is right?” he sighed leaving soft kisses on top of Sungyoon’s head.</p><p> </p><p>Sungyoon’s sighs sounded heavy and his love knows what’s going through his mind. Sungyoon has always been conscious about his appearance, always so conscious to please the fans. He admires his love’s determination but when it comes to his appearance and health, he wished Sungyoon would prioritise himself before anything.</p><p> </p><p>“You’re only saying that to make me feel better, Daeyeol,” voice muffled as he buries his face in his love’s shoulders. No matter how many times Daeyeol said those words to him, he always finds doubt in his heart about those words.</p><p> </p><p>Daeyeol loosened his hold from his love and he panicked a little, scared that Daeyeol would leave him. He stayed close to him, faces mere inches apart. He looked into Sungyoon’s beautiful pair of eyes that he loves so much, gaze so tender it melted every doubt Sungyoon has.</p><p> </p><p>“I’m sorry,” he muttered lowly, eyes breaking his gaze from Daeyeol. He knew his love wouldn’t lie to him but there’s always that doubt because he’s never good enough to people. There’s always things people point out to him, for him to fix.</p><p> </p><p>When fans pointed out about how he looks, he was became very conscious of it and it has since gnawed on him. Daeyeol thinks his love has lost sight of what’s really important. Sure, fans are important but Sungyoon should always remember that he is more important.</p><p> </p><p>Sungyoon knew from the start what he signed up for the moment he went for the audition to become an idol. At first, it wasn’t as hard to deal with those comments, with the people. But as time passes, things started to build up and Sungyoon found himself being dragged deeper into the hole as he kept things to himself.</p><p> </p><p>‘<em>They’re having it harder than I am, I can’t complain</em>.’ That’s what made him keep things to himself. He has younger members relying on him for support and he can’t show that things are eating him too. He has to be strong for them too.</p><p> </p><p>It was his love who saw it first, who saw him spiral down. He had managed to grab Sungyoon before he reached the bottom, he was the light at the end of the tunnel that Sungyoon needed to see.</p><p> </p><p>He saw how Sungyoon’s behaviour slowly changed. The usually loud Sungyoon was quiet, wasn’t laughing at Jibeom’s jokes nor at the younger members’ antics. He kept a close eye on Sungyoon ever since, not wanting to lose another precious star.</p><p> </p><p>The leader decided to keep his distance to not scare the latter. ‘<em>He would come talk to me when he’s ready</em>,’ was what he thought initially. But as time passes, he saw Sungyoon slowly lose himself, falling deep into the void. Sungyoon would often stare into space looking at nothing, smiles so rare, Daeyeol had forgotten what his smile looked like.</p><p> </p><p>His heart hurts looking at Sungyoon in such state. If it were the other members, he would just make them talk but this is Sungyoon. He saw him grow up before his eyes and he’s pretty sure whatever feeling in his heart that he has for him is more than love for a brother. He may be young but he’s not naive.</p><p> </p><p>There were times when he would find Sungyoon crying silently but he doesn’t want to startle the latter. That’s one of the leader’s regrets, to not reach out to Sungyoon who was clearly miserable in clear daylight. </p><p> </p><p>One spring night, Daeyeol went to Sungyoon’s room to ask for something but was surprised when Jangjun told him that the latter went out for a walk. Daeyeol’s brain raced to various scenarios with gruesome conclusions. He tried to not let his brain get the better of him but the thought of losing Sungyoon scared him more.</p><p> </p><p>He left the dorm as calm as he could, stating he’s going out to buy some stuff. Panic amongst the members were the last thing he needed.</p><p> </p><p>As soon as he left the dorm, Daeyeol started sprinting, mind blank. His legs brought him to a place he knows he’ll find Sungyoon. That night he found him crouching by Han river, staring quietly at the sky. If he didn’t look close enough, he would’ve missed the dried tears on his cheeks.</p><p> </p><p>He knew he’d find his love at Han river. It is a safe place for Sungyoon. They’ve spent so much time from their trainee days by the river, running laps to clear their heads, to break away from a routine.</p><p> </p><p>“Sungyoon,” he called softly to not make the other jump. That seemed to snap him out of the trance he was in. He sat down next to him, sweat running down his face.</p><p> </p><p>“I’m sorry, Sungyoon,” arms hugging the other tightly and they both cried in each other’s embrace. Tears of regrets and relief accompanied the silent night by the river.</p><p> </p><p>That night, Sungyoon spilled his heart to him, weight slowly being lifted from his shoulder and Daeyeol growing lighter as he voiced his regret for not coming to him earlier.</p><p> </p><p>As they both walked back, fingers laced around one another, eyes swollen, cheeks red, a silent promise bound them together.</p><p> </p><p>From that day forth, Daeyeol became Sungyoon’s anchor and reason to continue forward. From that day forth, Sungyoon became Daeyeol’s reason to do his best and hold him close by his side forever.</p><p> </p><p>He stared into the sunken pair of eyes that were once filled with happiness and brought his love closer to him on the couch. He brought his fingers to his love’s chin, bringing his face up to look at the ethereal face of his love. “I love you, Sungyoonie,” he said, voice filled with sincerity that made Sungyoon let his walls down.</p><p> </p><p>He wished Sungyoon would look at himself how he sees him, perfect and stunning beyond words. It’s going to take time for Sungyoon to convince himself of the fact but Daeyeol will be there to walk by his side till he gets there.</p><p> </p><p>He leaned his forehead against Daeyeol’s wanting to feel his love’s warmth, arms hanging loosely by his love’s waist.</p><p> </p><p>“Every single part of you,” he said, eyes locked with each other, breaths mingling. He caressed the soft cheeks tenderly, resting his palm at the base of his neck.</p><p> </p><p>“All of you,” he breathed out, lips finding the pair of lips he loves the most.</p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Author's Note:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>I hope this was okay. I used to write angst all the time and I forgot how my brain reacts to angst (it brought out the critical side of me which is good). Anyway, I hope you guys liked it! Stay safe and healthy. Don't forget to practice social distancing and always wash/sanitise your hands.</p></blockquote></div></div>
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